Learning Experience

Well, I've been all over the place emotionally these past 2 weeks but I think I'm finally feeling a little more confident in what I am going to get out of this and in the idea that this is a good thing. The first week here was absolutely horrible. At one point I had written a resignation letter and began to pack. Then my mom convinced me to go one more day. Soon I had convinced myself to take it just one day at a time, still convinced there was no way I would be able to fulfill my commitment. I decided with the help of my incredible parents and friends (and still feel) that even if I had quit, I would not have failed. Or maybe I would have. The point is, I would have learned something through the mistake.

Buttt whether it was my complete terror of telling them I was quitting or my stubborness to admit a mistake, I stuck out last week, and for some reason I do not know, things have improved.

I don't think this was a mistake. In fact, I know I'll be glad I did this. I have plans to visit home, family, and friends, and family and friends have plans to visit me. It will certainly not be the most glamorous 10 weeks, but the work has really improved!

Ironically, as soon as my boss's wife had a baby and he went on 4 weeks leave, the job improved. I do quite a bit of administrative and event planning which is not ideal, but has helped me realize how much I really like the biology and science aspects and that that is the area I really want to pursue in my future career. This is a big deal because, before this, I thought I wanted to be an Interpretation Park Ranger. Basically, a National Park tour guide who only scrapes the surface of talking about science and rarely actually does field work. Not only have I realized that hands on science is where my true interests lie, but also that the NPS may not be for me. I have learned that constant uncertainty and lack of control as to where you will end up for the next season, partnered with the knowledge that most NPS sites are in rural communities and my new found knowledge that I am far more of a city girl than I would previously admit, is not a lifestyle I will choose for myself in the future. It's still hard to give up on that dream just because it has been just that, my "dream career", for a few years now. But the truth is, I didn't know what that job really was. Heck, I don't know what most jobs really are. You don't know what a job is until you have tried it. So, I had to try it.

Lucky for me, this internship seems to involve enough scientific aspects to still be really good with regards to experience and keeping my interest. For example, once a week I monitor the water quality at 4 different sites around the park for pH, conductivity, dissolved oxygen, temperature, turbidity, and E. coli cultures. I put petri dishes with water samples in an incubator and count E. coli colonies the next day. Today, we took out invertebrate samplers from the creek that were placed a month ago to collect creek bugs that indicate the health of the creek based on the species present. To be honest, thus far these are the only parts of the job that really excite me, but at least it's enough to have something to look forward to.

The job also consists of clerical, administrative, research (but in a like, find 20 airports phone numbers way), and visitor services. Luckily, I actually kind of enjoy busy work. By no means do I want to do busy work as a career, but I'm okay with it here. Especially because a lot of what I'm doing will really have a big impact on the 150th Homestead Act celebration next year. The park is also rarely very busy. Some of the job is really almost labor and maintenance, as in pulling weeds in the hot Nebraskan summer, weed whacking, and lawn mowing around the native plants display. Not what I had envisioned, but I'm trying to make the best of it.

I could say so much more what I was expecting vs. what I actually do, but you get the idea. Supposedly I will later help with a soundscape study which sounds pretty neat, but I won't know about until my boss returns.

So, work is going alright. I kind of enjoy working full time, which is good to know since this is my first 2 weeks of many future years of it I would imagine.

Outside of work, things are going alright. I definitely live in rural Nebraska and it has and will continue to be a huge adjustment. It's very hard to meet people, so I've made plans to go home for a weekend, go to Denver for a weekend, and several people are planning to visit me. I like being alone when it's an option, but not when it is the ONLY option. Lots of skyping has occurred and will continue to occur and perhaps some other trips thrown in there as well. I went to a church 2 weeks ago and met some nice people and attended their young adults fellowship night and really enjoyed it a lot. It occurs every 3rd Sunday so I will go again in September and October and will go to the church any Sunday I'm in town. I'm getting used to grocery shopping at Wal-Mart and going for runs on dirt roads through corn fields. The humidity is awful, but the thunderstorms are awesome! We had a tornado watch the first week I was here which was. . .exciting? scary? foreign? all of the above.

Well, I've certainly jumped all over the place with this blog entry. Not my finest work, but I guess that's what I get for not writing anything for 2 weeks, and honestly it probably appropriately portrays where I've been these past 2 weeks. The conclusion is that this has not been and will not be an easy experience, but I am learning a lot about myself, my needs, my emotions, my career desires, my career NOT desires, and how much I truly love my family and friends and how incredible my parents are, who have been there for me these past 2 weeks in ways better than I could ever imagine. They are truly the best.

a BIG adjustment

My first day of work is tomorrow and I'm hoping that will mark a turning point in my attitude towards the decision I made to move out here and do this. The past week and a half has been filled with self realizations and thought, but not in the good way. I've realized I have NO idea what I want to do with my life short term or long term and that moving to the middle of no where by myself in an attempt to experiment and figure that out may not have been my smartest move. I think I may in fact be more of a city dweller than I ever allowed myself to believe, who likes vacation escapes to the wilderness. However, I am committed now and at least I'm figuring this out now rather with a 3 month commitment rather than a much longer commitment. So, I'm terrified and second guessing everything like crazy. I am trying with all my will to stay positive but have never had this much trouble doing that before in my life.

But, I felt this way in Chile and once I got into a routine things got MUCH better so I am currently HOPING and PRAYING with all my will that starting work tomorrow will bring the steadiness and routine I am lacking and help improve my attitude. Nervous is an understatement but I have to believe things will be better once I start work tomorrow.

Soon, I will post pictures and describe my location and everything in a post. For now, please think happy thoughts and send them my way!!

Blog, 2.0

With another incredible family reunion with the wonderful Johnny's Gang having drawn to a close, tomorrow is the day it all becomes real and I officially move to Beatrice, Nebraska to start my first real job as an Interpretation/Resource Management Intern at Homestead National Monument of America through the National Park Service, Americorps, and the Student Conservation Association. I am terrified, excited, worried, and as ready as I'm going to be! I am bound to learn a lot about all sorts of stuff from ecology, to biology, to what really goes on smack dab in the middle of the USA, so here we go!