Decision

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."

After a very difficult weekend visit home and four very difficult weeks of attempting to make this experience into something I now don't think it ever could have been, I quit my job on Tuesday morning, worked two last days, packed up my car, and drove started the journey home yesterday with a 9 hour drive to Denver. I am staying here with my cousins Krissy and Amy until Tuesday before heading the rest of the way home and arriving back in Southern California on Wednesday.

This was not an easy decision. It was probably the hardest of my life. I do believe that it was the right decision though. I had a lot of preconceived notions about life after college, this job, what I wanted to do as a career, my ability to leave everything behind and be on my own, and lots of other things that were tested, and rejected by this experience. I was truly miserable, alone, and unhappy for the first time in my life for this past month and now, two days separated and headed back home, I know this was the right decision.

I think that adding the stress and challenge of being completely on my own and isolated 2000 miles from home in a job I took in hopes of starting a career which I quickly learned was not for me on top of the already huge transition of my first year out of college and not returning to student life was too big of an undertaking for this time in my life. Life out of college is so different from college and it's been a smack in the face this past month, but I'm learning and growing probably more than I did in college. I should never have compared going to NE alone for 3 months to "only being half of the time I was in Chile". They are polar opposite experiences in nature.

It was difficult to quit for many reasons, one of which being the feeling of having failed. But I'm working on convincing myself (pretty successfully thanks to an awesome skype session with my amazing Big Bro David Levy) that I did not fail because I really did learn a lot about what is important to me and how I want to prioritize my life after college. I've learned that life is what is important; the friends and family I am surrounded by and my ability to do the things I want and need to do in my life to be happy. Growing up, I said I wanted out of LA. Now, I could easily see myself staying in Southern California and settling down there. My family and friends are my world and my home.

So, it is not going to be an instant fix and things will be as if I never left when I get home. I know that. But, this was the right decision and I am so lucky to have the support of my family and friends at this time in my life. I will now move on with a little more job experience and a lot more life experience.

So, see you soon California and all the very important people in my life that I will now get to see and enjoy time with!